I am back. I hope. I have not documented much of our lives this last year and I have been feeling regret that I haven't for my kids' sake. This is my only journaling I do so I better get back at it.
I won't try to catch all the way up, but maybe from the start of 2012. January was unseasonably warm and pleasant with hardly any snow. I will take that. Mick started basketball and it's fun to encourage him. I bought a house in December in Santaquin to remodel and resell and the work began on that in January. Kade started going to daycare a couple days a week so I could work on the project. He seems to love it and his vocabulary is beginning to emerge. He can say ball, Sissy (sister), Mick, Mama, Dada, Grampa, apple, banana, please, thank you, cheese, and his favorite.....MINE! In January, my mom also suffered a massive stroke and was life-flighted to SLC. One of the longest and hardest months of my life followed. All throught the rest of January and into mid February, me and my siblings stayed by her side almost round the clock. We were told she would never recover and she would die within a 7-10 days. She was put on hospice care and we all said our good-byes and kept watch. It was a time of no sleep and constant grieving and anxiety.
But God must have a plan for her still to be here, because she continued to make little improvements and after a week, the doctors took her off hospice and put her on the rehab floor of the hospital. A little more sleep for us but a stressful change in our minds took place as we realized we would not be saying good-bye but learning how to deal with long-term care for her. She faced having to learn how to feed herself, write, speak, see, and walk again. It's been a constant uphill struggle for her and I have been so proud of her for her determination and cheerful attitude through this. I don't know why God decided to let her stay, but I know I learned a lot through this trial. I am so much more thankful that my body is healthy and strong. I am appreciative that I can do so many things without even thinking about it. I learned to love my mom in a new way. It brought me closer to her when I got to serve her and help take care of her. I appreciated the times I got to be home with my children more and do simple things like brush their teeth and feed them a healthy dinner because I was gone so much that those times were rare. I found better relationships with my siblings and cherished the time I got to just be with them sitting at the hospital talking and laughing together through the tears. I was shown who loved me and my family by their service to us by bringing us dinners and childcare and just checking on me and letting me have meltdowns to them.
At this point, my mom is in a rehabilitation center in Vernal close to her home and I am not going to see her everyday anymore. She continues to get better and I pray if it's God's will she will be able to go home and take care of herself someday. But I am not hopeful of that and sometime in the next month, we'll have to face what challenges she faces next. Right now, though, she is taken care of and content and we are getting a little break. Just this morning, she called me (which is really hard for her to do due to her eyesight) and told me how she loved me and she was proud of me and how she knows I am trying hard. It's a conversation I won't forget and the hell we've been through this last month makes it worth it to have even that one little conversation.
For now, the work on my flip house is almost done and it will be listed to sell this week. I am excited and I really think I did a good job of finding a good deal, staying on budget and schedule, and think I will make good money with it. It's been a good outlet for me.
Kade is turning two in a couple weeks. I can't believe this. I love two year olds. They are so cute and I am excited to be his mom through it.
I look forward to running more outside and hopefully participating in races more this year.
I think that's it for today :)